Emotional self-care involves feeling and expressing all of our emotions appropriately. Sounds easy, right? But somehow it isn’t. Expressing all of our feelings means the negative ones as well as the positive ones. And don’t forget that all important caveat ‘appropriately’.
We’ve all seen or heard obnoxious people who loudly express their anger in public, yelling at their children, flipping people off from the safety of their cars. This is definitely expressing your negative emotions, but it isn’t what you’d call ‘appropriate’.
At the other end of the spectrum are those who are unable or unwilling to give voice to their feelings. When we keep things inside, they don’t go away. They tend to manifest physically, as headaches, stomach pains, stiff necks and other discomforts.
So what is the happy medium? Recognizing an emotion as it arises, figuring out how to express it in a way that feels respectful to you and others, and then letting it go and moving on.
Expressing positive emotion is important too, especially gratitude and self-love. It’s easy to focus on the things we don’t have and forget to be thankful for what we do have, unless we make an intentional effort to do so. And loving ourselves isn’t something that we’re usually taught to do. But it’s key to being able to live a healthy life.
Observe your emotional responses in the next few weeks. Look for appropriate reactions to both the positive and negative things that happen to you. Pay attention to any physical symptoms and ask yourself what the emotional connection could be. Looking at that kind of connection can be scary, but a good Life Coach can make the journey a remarkable learning experience.
One of the best books I’ve read on emotional self-care was written back in the 1980’s by Harriet Lerner, called “The Dance of Anger”. Dr. Lerner does a great job dissecting the ways that women help or hinder themselves when they express their feelings, and gives good suggestions for finding ways to do so appropriately.
